In light of that, I'm giving a bit of a glimpse into me, the old me, in a letter to me, telling myself things I should've known but never did.
Dear fourteen year old me: Life does and did get better. You will become a strong, confident and beautiful woman. And even though you are broken and hurting right now, you deserve to live. You are a fighter.
Dear thirty year old me: Not everyone sails smoothly through pregnancy. You are going to be one of the unlucky ones. But that is NOT because you are overweight. You will get sick, very sick. You will put on 32 kgs in the whole pregnancy through no fault of your own. Do not beat yourself up over it. Your child will be healthy and beautiful and adored. Yes you are much bigger than you were before, but don't focus on pre-pregnancy weight, focus on that little boy because before you know it his brother will be on the way.
Dear thirty one year old me: Having a BMI too high to deliver your baby at the local hospital will devastate you. You will be inconsolable over it. Rest assured though, that the hospital you do deliver in is fabulous. The standard of care you receive is much higher than the local hospital was with your last child. This hospital will save your life giving birth to your next child.
And now to current me. I still have many insecurities. Like most people I have good days and bad (admittedly the bad ones are usually PMT driven). I have days when I look in the mirror and am really happy with what I see and there are days where I lament my fatness. Where I well and truly degrade myself, but those days are becoming less and less.
So what am I currently vulnerable about? Let me give you a few acronyms which I'm sure you've seen around: FUPR (pronounced Foopah), you know "fat upper pelvic region". Then there is GUNT. I leave that acronym for you to decipher. Either way that's what I'm vulnerable about. Oh and my fifty billion chins. It's where I carry the bulk of my weight. It makes it hard to dress. I'm always pulling at my tops and tees just to cover it. I struggle getting clothes to fit properly as tops need to be bigger to cover that area but that leaves them too big around my shoulder, neck and chest area. I need pants with adjustable waists as my waist is much smaller than my hips. So yeah, this is what I struggle with.
But I'm going to harden up and leave you with some outakes. The ones I deemed too hideous to put online but in the spirit of Aussie Curves, I'm breaking them out..FUPR, GUNT and all.