I just want to cry

I'm having a really crappy day.

I've still got the same bloody cough that I've had for almost 6 weeks now. I really don't think it's going to go until this baby is out.

Overnight Jack came down with croup again. The last time he had it was only 6 weeks ago as well. Ever since then he hasn't been able to shake the cough but hasn't been sick. We took him back to the doctors this morning and his ears are inflamed (but not quite infected yet). So he's on antibiotics for that as he gets ear infections very frequently. He's been put back on Redipred for the next 3 days and he's been put on an asthma preventative. We were hoping that it wouldn't come to that, but I was warned about 12 months ago that it was likely he would be asthmatic since he has croup so often. He has to be on the preventer for 6 weeks and then we'll see how we go.

So one visit to the doctors just cost me $72 in medication today.

Then I had my physio appointment today. I haven't seen her for a while as she's been away and I had to cancel my last 2 appointments.

As soon as I walked in she looked at me really funny and was watching my stomach while I was walking. She had a bit of a chat with me about how things were going and then got me to get up on the bed so she could show me some relaxation techniques. So while I was laying on my side, she was feeling my diaphragm and teaching me to breathe. She was asking me about my stomach and if it felt sore or anything. I told her that for about 3 weeks I've had this pain like I had a pulled muscle, but it wasn't too bad. So she got me to lie on my back and she was doing some serious stomach feeling then making me lift my head up and down (which I might add was bloody hard to do).

She asked me to come and sit back down and told me that I've got a severe abdominal muscle separation. She said that she was already pretty certain before she felt my stomach just by looking at me because of the shape of my stomach (she called it dome shaped). I guess that's why everyone still thinks I'm carrying really high - it's not the baby - it's my stomach not being compressed by the muscles. So now I've got a new belly band to wear. This one is like a huge elasticised tube that goes around my stomach and supports it. My original support belt that went around my waist is meant to be worn over the top of it.

So now I'm on full-on strict rest. I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING. I can't lift a single thing, I'm not allowed to do grocery shopping, I'm not allowed to put washing on the line, basically I have to sit on my rear all day.

Then we talked about birth. This is the part that made me really upset. She has put in my file that she recommends that I have a caesar. Her exact words to me were "Your ability to push out a large baby would be extremely compromised with the condition your stomach muscles are in". She was then nice enough to go through birth and labour positions with me incase I have decided to go ahead with a vaginal birth. She said she'd give me the best chance possible of achieving a vaginal birth but she wanted me to have a really good think about it and have a big talk to my OB about it tomorrow.

So all in all I'm pretty upset about it. I know a caesar isn't the end of the world, but it's not what I had planned at all. I had accepted to go with the flow and if an emergency caesar eventuated, then so be it. But this is different.

I'll let you all know what the OB says tomorrow.