Aussie Curves : Vulnerable Side

The title says it all..vulnerabilities. No matter how strong, confident and in control we all look there is still that little voice deep down inside that occasionally lets loose. I've read "fake it, 'till you make it" numerous time on Aussie Curves in the last 12ish months, and hell I've used that motto way more times than I care to admit. But do you want know what I've read more over the last twelve months? I've read and followed a mixed bunch of gorgeous women who from reading their vulnerabilities this week have no idea of the impact they're making on other people's lives. I've smiled, I've laughed and I've cried along with them. I see new people with their shy first "what the heck am I doing" faces and I've seen others totally strutting their stuff and I love them all. If only I had discovered something like Aussie Curves when I was a teenager, I think my life would've been a lot different.

In light of that, I'm giving a bit of a glimpse into me, the old me, in a letter to me, telling myself things I should've known but never did.

Dear fourteen year old me: Life does and did get better. You will become a strong, confident and beautiful woman. And even though you are broken and hurting right now, you deserve to live. You are a fighter.

Dear twenty one year old me: You had no reason to be horrified by this photo. Yes I know you're in tracky daks and an old favorite top with your hair not brushed but you are rocking those curves. There was no need to be ashamed of them. Screw what the media portrays and stop with the vicious cycle of dieting. All you're doing is screwing your metabolism for life. 

Dear twenty eight year old me: Your wedding day will be one of the most fabulous days of your life. You are marrying the man of your dreams surrounded by family and friends who love you. They won't have any clue that your hair looks nothing like it was meant to be. They will not be looking at your "fat" arms. They will not be thinking "Gee you think she would've lost some weight before the wedding". So you shouldn't be thinking about these things either. Focus on the man that's about to be your husband because a moment you will cherish for a lifetime is just about to happen.
Dear thirty year old me: Not everyone sails smoothly through pregnancy. You are going to be one of the unlucky ones. But that is NOT because you are overweight. You will get sick, very sick. You will put on 32 kgs in the whole pregnancy through no fault of your own. Do not beat yourself up over it. Your child will be healthy and beautiful and adored. Yes you are much bigger than you were before, but don't focus on pre-pregnancy weight, focus on that little boy because before you know it his brother will be on the way.
Dear thirty one year old me: Having a BMI too high to deliver your baby at the local hospital will devastate you. You will be inconsolable over it. Rest assured though, that the hospital you do deliver in is fabulous. The standard of care you receive is much higher than the local hospital was with your last child. This hospital will save your life giving birth to your next child.

And now to current me. I still have many insecurities. Like most people I have good days and bad (admittedly the bad ones are usually PMT driven). I have days when I look in the mirror and am really happy with what I see and there are days where I lament my fatness. Where I well and truly degrade myself, but those days are becoming less and less.

So what am I currently vulnerable about? Let me give you a few acronyms which I'm sure you've seen around: FUPR (pronounced Foopah), you know "fat upper pelvic region". Then there is GUNT. I leave that acronym for you to decipher. Either way that's what I'm vulnerable about. Oh and my fifty billion chins. It's where I carry the bulk of my weight. It makes it hard to dress. I'm always pulling at my tops and tees just to cover it. I struggle getting clothes to fit properly as tops need to be bigger to cover that area but that leaves them too big around my shoulder, neck and chest area. I need pants with adjustable waists as my waist is much smaller than my hips. So yeah, this is what I struggle with.

But I'm going to harden up and leave you with some outakes. The ones I deemed too hideous to put online but in the spirit of Aussie Curves, I'm breaking them out..FUPR, GUNT and all.

Don't forget to check out these wonderful women I'm taking about below.