There. I did it. I wrote the words in a public domain.
You know it's kind of ironic that I'm struggling just writing those words since my son is possibly struggling with the definition of those words every minute of his life. I say possibly as we're still in the throes of testing, but we already have some fairly definitive results.
So I guess we're still in shock. I guess we're still partly in denial. All these little things that we considered just his personality and cute little quirks have a label. Who would have thought?? I mean we weren't in complete denial, we knew something just didn't seem right and the tantrums and self absorbed behavior was just escalating. But who looks at their baby and sees this as more than just a stage. We sure as hell initially didn't.
So now the only way is up. We finish the testing, we work in conjunction with the specialists and school to help him be the best he can be. Because right now he's not happy. And it breaks my heart.
Ive been through those emotions, and in your heart you know, and its still hard. And the day he actually gets diagnosed, all the fear, and the sadness and the preparation for waiting for the diagnosis will disappear and your heart will break. I remember sitting in the Drs office, already knowing the diagnosis, but hearing those exact words, and tears streamed down my face. And everytime I looked at my boy that day I cried. What a shit thing to begin life with. Being labelled so young.
ReplyDeleteBut 2 years on from that horrible day, things are better. I refuse to have my son defined by a label and I encourage him to embrace every quirky, wonderful trait he has, because he is perfect just the way he is to me, and thats all that really matters. Stay strong, it does get easier to accept.
There's some relief in finding out that your intuition is correct. At least then you know what you're dealing with. Your son doesn't know it yet but you're the best friend he's got barring specialists, teachers, school and the rest. You are his number one advocate so trust yourself to figure out what he needs now and from now on. Hang in there, mom!
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